Decision, Decision, Decision..

To all of you who is reading, 

You might be reading this blog only because I was too lazy to actually explain my reasoning towards why I have decided to remove the headscarf. I am sorry that I actually made you read what I have to say. I promise it won't be some long paragraph. I'll try to sum it up as much as possible. Enjoy! 



I started wearing the hijab since I was in 7th grade. I was so happy and nervous at the same time. I mean, just imagine yourself doing something that will add to your identity. Something so obvious that everyone will notice. This is far different from dying your hair a different color or shaving your legs/arms. Yeah, people will notice that, but they wouldn't question you or look at you differently. This decision I made 3 years ago has impacted my life in every way possible. For the first couple of days, I felt uncomfortable, yet so glad that I made the decision to place the headscarf on my head. The reason why I wore it wasn't really because I wanted to. It was a little more complicated than that. We don't need to go into the details, but if you are my close friends, you would giggle because the reason is pretty funny. I remember my father telling me that I should at least try it on and see if I liked it. Being the teenager that I was, the next day I was complaining about how I had to fix it every 20 seconds and that pieces of my hair were peeking through the thin piece of scarf. Not long after, I told myself that I had enough and took my own actions. I would take if off sometimes during school. It felt strange because, I did this for some time without my parents being aware of it. It finally stopped after I have realized that this wasn't right. I started wearing it everyday during school, and out of school I would remove it. But during the last year of middle school, I began to think about removing it. Since then I have thought about it. Now, I am a sophomore in High School and this thought roaming in my head day and night became a problem. I wouldn't stop thinking about it and sometimes, I would just burst into tears thinking about it. I felt stuck and confused. I didn't know how to deal with it. My confidence and self esteem has gone dow dramatically. I have possessed more insecurities than I had before. I could never look at myself the same way as I used to. It has pushed me so far that I have decided to remove it. 

This isn't permanent. The beauty of hijab amazes me. I love seeing people wear it and I admire it! But right now, I don't feel that it is a fit for me. Taking it off doesn't necessarily mean that I won't wear it again or that I'll become someone I am not. I pray that one day, I can wear it again. Not just to school, but ALL THE TIME. Believe me, this isn't an easy choice. I don't want to get too religious. But, if you are really curious about it.. maybe I will answer your question in person. But this is all I would like to say for now. 

Thank you for taking the time to read. 

Sincerely, 
Kaysa